Before you read this latest installment on my blog, please know if you have a sensitive stomach when talking about bodily fluids, peeing, and/or defecation, then this entry is probably not for you, the faint of heart. If you think burps and farts are hilarious like me, and maybe even cute with a baby, then read on, my friend. Please also be sure to watch the humorous baby song spin-off videos at the bottom of this blog entry as well.
While Lisa, my wife, was attempting to take a shower this
morning, I was assigned with the simple task of watching Annabelle, holding her
in my arms. Before Lisa even stepped into the shower, Annie suddenly started
grimacing with this unusual vocal grunt as her shoulders pushed slightly
upwards, “Eeeeeerrrrrrrghhhh!”
Annabelle proceeded to fart several times with squeaky
sounds, like she might be having fluid diarrhea. I decided to wait a few
minutes before changing her diaper because I speculated this changing might
lead to a large eruption. Little eruptions kept peaking as I felt movement in
the booty section of her britches. I have learned that you wait until the relieving
process is complete before taking off her clothes and exchanging the dirty
diaper for a clean one.
Bowel movements seemed to end, and Annabelle was no longer
frowning with passionate groans. As I unfolded the diaper, the Brown Nile
flooded these holy plains, and liquid diarrhea covered the bottom portion of
her clothes outside of the diaper. I needed backup, and I was screaming for
Lisa’s motherly touch. “Help me! Help me! Help me!” Since her birth, I have
never used as many wipes as I did today. Lisa was about to hop in the shower,
and in the wake of my cries, she thought something abruptly tragic had happened.
I startled Lisa with my shaken gasps of trying to hold my breath, so I did not
smell the stench, feeling an upchuck vomit reflux come into my mouth.
As we both wiped up the mess and got all hysteria and
panicked shouts under control, Annabelle clearly needed a bath even after
utilizing all the wipes in a local Wal-Mart’s inventory. As Lisa was filling up
her small plastic bathtub, I held naked Annabelle in my arms where she snuggled
up against my chest and immediately seemed to be calm and relaxed. Within a
minute, something wet drizzled down my clothes. Annabelle had suddenly peed on
me with a puddle forming on the floor. The cool nature of the air around us
must have made her feel very comfortable to release herself now from the front
end. As Lisa took the baby to begin her bath, it appeared that I had been the
one who peed on myself as the front of my t-shirt and pants suddenly stained
wet from Annabelle’s relieved bladder.
Even in that moment, Lisa and I laughed hard. How
could one be upset with a baby who has only lived for seven weeks thus far in
her lifetime? This moment was going to be a memory long remembered. These
present junctures represent good times of lessons and laughs to be experienced
as a new father. Blessings can be found in the laughter we had today and in
future moments like it. We can choose to enjoy the day we live in right now, no
matter what happens in these present times. We can laugh. We can cry. And we
can rejoice with the healthy baby we now know whose digestive track clearly
works just fine.
If you found this blog entry humorous, then I also
think you will enjoy these funny YouTube videos of babies singing about a
baby’s life and the bodily functions that follow.
(#daddydestinations #daddy #blog #family
#DaddiesAndDaughters #destinations #memories)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete